Thursday, November 19, 2009
wandering around, fridge is empty. frowning for a while.. instant noodle then. yo' mad belly, this is all i got! face it.
while eating with my sleepy eyes, kind'a got a midnite entertainment, sex and the city on hbo.
even i have watched it like billion times, carrie always got me w/ her cosmopolitan.
one of the episodes was 'ex and the city'.
well speaking of the devil.. my mind just wandering to some oldie chapters of mine.
....... chapter 1, 2.. and so on.
when a relationship doesn't work, then it's not really end actually.
some can be friends, some can be 'fake friends', some can be.. enemies.
i remember, when i had this lunch thing w/ my bestfriends.
one of us asked "hey.. how is he?" (one of my best friends' ex)
then 3 of us was laughing. eat that ex'nemies! haha.
i've also passed some failed relationships.
well..i wont pretend that i'm good at forgiving over a shitty relationship, but i don't hate it also.
every relationship has its own story, its own chapter to make us more understand who we are.
bumped to one of them, received a 'how are u?' text, found some old pictures accidentally.
ohh yes..the terror is every where.
well.. however, they used to be some people in our chapters.
and for every chapter we have passed, just keep it as 'a journal'.
the lovely things, the fights, bitter sweet, every single thing.
Monday, November 2, 2009
maybe she's not the heroine of herself.
when the whole pride, became a big hole of something.
the leafs fall from the trees.
she's strangled by her own dark thoughts.
her soul is like paralyzed.
being messed by ego.
no passion at all.
no spirit at all.
ahh universe.. just be kind to her.
bring the happiness as the blanket of her life.
cheer her up with a cup of sympathy.
feed her with a bowl of positive thoughts.
and lead her to the path of wisdom.
Friday, October 23, 2009
grab my cup, make a hot tea, then i was crawling back to bed.
this cold is killing me. i've been blowing my nose since last nite.
runny nose please go away! syhuuhh! don't u realize, i hate u to the bone!
u made me hiding under the blanket all day.
tv become a temporal medicine. at least for my boredom.
then 'notting hill' movie became a bonus of my gloomy day.
after i watched it, i kept thinking about hugh grant's lovely house in that movie, esp the kitchen and the rooftop.
here they are!
this movie makes me fall in love with british home.
it looks homey. wooden floor, white ceiling, antique wooden dinning table, white brick walls. ahhh... me want those!
Our little eyes saw everything blurry.
An innocent has come to this world.
World of sin, world of ambition, world of obsession.
Money, love, power, sex, eating with ur silver spoon.
Happiness can’t be measured.
No standard of it.
When we lose them abruptly.
Material things, partner of life, a mother, a child, a neighbor, a good friend.
Trust me, I know how it feels.
Don’t play tough, because it’s tiring.
Be weak, cry as loud as you can, scream like a lunatic, do whatever u want to express how special they are.
But promise me, the next day u wake up..
Be glad, that u are still alive.
And u’re not alone.
The universe embraces u, with its saddest cloud when u cry.
But the universe also embraces u with its warm sunshine, when u wake up from a deepest pain of yours.
Be tough. Be brave. The universe one day will smile back at you.
Dedicated to all earthquake victims.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
And I was listening to koop feat yukimi nagano. I lovvvvveeee this song. This song is festive!! It made me wanna dance happily, wearing my sunny dress, bare foot so I can feel the green grass, smelling the apple tress with a glass of margarita on my hand.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
well, we better think about it.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
we ended up telling our shit stories in these past few months.
then i told her, we should meet and hug each other right now.
i literally cried.
cried for all the shits that happened to us.
then i realized, no matter how hard life is sometimes, i still have her and vice versa.
ps: just come home please and lets grab a glass of mojito then laugh at our shit chapters of our life. we should see each other become a mess, mumbling about our sad stories and cry and laugh and cry and laugh.. until we fall asleep.
just book a ticket soon, will u?
Monday, May 4, 2009
i woke up this morning because my phone was ringing. twice.
ahh..my head feels heavy, cos i just slept at 3.40 in the morning. when i wanna continue to sleep again, my eyes just can't compromise. i'm totally awake.
well, with my heavy head, i'm just laying on my rug, watching tv (kind'a upset, because i can't have my ritual, tea and a toast in the morning, because I haven't done the monthly shopping). i'm running out of everything, better write them down on a list.
well,tealess & toastless (don't bother to find in ur dictionary or even thesaurus,it's just my own language) I'm watching national geographic (while my mind wandering around). kind'a not a good combination: bad morning, heavy head, tealess and toastless, Cuba, Fidel Castro, Cigar, Venezuela, Che Guevara, socialist, and revolution. but i'm still watching it anyway. I've this kind of curiosity about Cuba since years ago, that's the reason i don't change the channel.
one thing that really got my attention. In Venezuela, as one of biggest oil exporters, the people can buy two gallons of gasoline with 57.000 bolivar, it's approximately 3 bucks! can u imagine it? 3 bucks for 2 gallons of gasoline? i wish i live there.
national geographic for the starter is not that bad actually.
ok then, gonna find something to eat, I'm starrrving.
ciao mi amigo!
This issue has been bothering me since I turned 22. (hmm do
I’am surrounded by religious people in the family.
My late grandpa( from my father’s side is a verrry religious man)
My papa and my late mama are also religious kind of people.
My late grandma (from my mother’s side) was a ‘kejawen’ (because she is a Javanese)
Well, I’m a Moslem since I was born.
My parents sent me to an Islamic school when I was a kid.
I was taught how to be a good Moslem. (shalat 5 waktu, berpuasa, baca Al-qur’an, do the sunnah, help the poor, sampe senyum itu juga ibadah).
Well, I was doing those things because some people told me to do it (family, teachers). And I remember how they forced me to do the religious stuff when I was a kid
“ayo shalat, nanti masuk neraka kalo ga shalat”
Jadi shalatlah gue karna takut masuk neraka.
But since 2 years ago, I’m kind’a curious about this spiritual thing. Why this? Why that? How come?
Those questions have been bombarding my mind since 2 years ago.
Hmm.. the interesting part, some people that really close to me, have some kind’a different believes with ‘the common people’ (included me, who do some religious things because I was taught to do it).
Some of their perspectives are really interesting for me.
Once someone asked me “Do u believe that God really exists?” my first reaction was a frowning face, then I answered “yes I do”.
Or these kind of statements: “religion is a politic” or “I smoked a pot last night, and I met God, she is a she” then I asked “why ‘she’?” then he kicked me back with.. “why it must to be ‘he’? have u met before?” ha ha. I just answered with laughing.
But one statement that I agreed: “we have no choice since we were born”
It referred to religion. I totally agreed.
Well, since my curiosity has been haunting me, I’ve decided to discuss it with people who have many different perspectives in religion. Until now, I believe for what I’ve been taught since I was a kid, but need some answers for some questions.
Because being lost for what we believing is not good at all.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
i've been youtubing, looking for cafe del mar, fashion tv music, then diana krall.
but look what i've just found, diana krall sang with elmo! haha. kind'a funny.
here's some of the lyrics:
"do u hear that beat? makes u leave ur seat
makes u move ur feet.. That's everybody's song..
makes ur fingers snap, snap! snap! snap!
and ur hands can clap, clap! clap! clap!
and ur feet can tap, c'mon and join along!"
well..diana is not the only one, there's more..
norah jones and feist!
such a cutie!
well, when i feel gloomy maybe i'll just watch this video, snap and clap! dance like a penguin, then hum happily. i bet i'm gonna kick those kind'a feelings because i let myself being goofy like that!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
thinking about the dream that i had. then my cell was ringing.
"hey..what are u doing?" i heard my sister's voice on my cell.
then i said, i just woke up and having my first day of my period.
"oh ok then, i've just transferred some money for u, take care and don't forget to eat" she said.
the first thing i did after i hung up the phone was 'smiling'.
well, i had my reason for smiling.
I was raised by a Javanese mother, who believed about myths.
some of them are irrational for me. but some of'em are true.
before my sister called that morning, i had a dream about a baby. my late mom used to say, "it means a good luck" well..well.. yesterday it wasn't the first time happened to me.
that's the reason i smiled. thinking 'hmm.. i just had a dream about a baby, it's gonna be a good sign'
then my sister proved it, hehe.
well, believing some myths are ok, but keeping ur mind be rational is more important.
hmm.. for me, as long as it's a good thing, i don't mind to believe it, cause it helps us to think positive, isn't ?
Monday, April 27, 2009
pms oh pms. every single month i have to battle with this thing.
well, not much to do. since i've been occupied with the sickness.
eat not much, sleep, watch a lame movie on tv, then sleep again, youtubing, blaaah!
not in the mood doing anything.
ahh..wanna eat something sweet, but i have eaten all the chocolates in my fridge. nothing's left. poor me.
women. we are just too complex aren't we?
battle with hormones every month. some eat like barbarians, some have emotional issue(most of us i think), some become a weepy, some just lying on their bed and become a zombie (i'm the member of this group), and some which i envy the most, 'some are just doing ok'.
ok then, gotta sleep again. blame the hormones that i'm not as friendly as usual.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i have this kind'a weird habit actually.
i remember when i broke up with someone, i was lying on my bed, made myself warm enough under the blanket, and i was watching the best of Sinatra's. strangers in the night, over the rainbow, etc, u name it! sobbing all nite long (with a pack of tissue beside me). my emotion has been exploited that nite.
the next day, i was doing ok.
my days are kind'a depressing lately.
have you ever felt like u want to scream, but all you can do just scream under your pillow?
urgh, i hate that kind'a feeling! keeping something inside is not good at all.
i've been through this for several times, but this time it has pushed me to the limits.
people won't learn much before they lose what they already have.
that's for sure!
when it happens, keep ur regrets for urself!
because when i say i'm done, i mean Done.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
it's really hard to be reached lately..
i run, i walk, then i run again.
it keeps to be far away and faded.
don't u know that?
now, i'm just sitting for a while.
yes, to breathe.
even the air is so dull.
ohh..i'm longing the smell of a dancing happily.
singing like a chirping bird in the morning.
feeling fresh like green grass at the park.
taste as sweet as apple.
maybe i'll just wait.
till u come to me one day.
don't just knock, please stay.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
i'm thinking of a word that would describe my roller coaster world right now.
'exhausting' would describe it perfectly.
as a human being, flawless is a bullshit word to describe us!
with our 1,2 or maybe million flaws.
hey you, yes.. you.
i'm talking to you.
everyone who demands a perfection.
who cannot deal with any flaws, any scratch, or any complexions.
when u made a mistake, that person gonna say..
u are a failure!
one mistake ruins everything.
one mistake, and u become a failure.
and the worst part,
the person won't bother to deal with it!
yes you, i'm talking to you.
anyone who demands a perfection!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
when i talked about this 71year old man, i felt like i'm talking in front of a mirror. but, in a different version, wiser but..sorry dad, oldeeerrr. hehe.
well..we both have many similarities. here, i'm typing for u about us, err..me..ohh..him i meant!
he's an Aquarian, stubborn, love to whistle when he listened to his fav songs, he adores Sinatra, he loves wandering in a book store, loves sipping a cup of tea or coffee in a coffeeshop, sensitive kind of person, silly sometimes (one of examples happened a month ago, when we wanna take my grandma to the mall, so we had to bring the wheel chair, there was a problem with the tire, no one wanted to try the wheel chair, suddenly he sat on that chair and said to his grandson, "hey wheeled me" then my 8year old nephew pushed the wheel chair happily like a race or something, u know what my papa said? "whiiii...faster! hey ki, when i'm old (u are dad!), and i wanna go to the mall, push me like u do right now" then rizki, my nephew said "aku dorong yang kenceng yah eyang, terus nanti aku lepas, biar aku ga cape" my dad laughed! so did i!
he loves jogging and golf (i already tried those two kinds of his fav sports, still.. he's better than me) i remember he took me to senayan for jogging, and after one lap, i stopped for 'sepiring lontong sayur' hehe, while he was running for 10 laps! he said "payah kamu, br lari satu puteran udah makan satu piring! lontong sayur lagi!" then i answered "biarin, papa boleh lari 10 puteran, tapi papa kan ngga bisa renang!" terus dia melengos dgn tampang males. hehe
he's also looked like 10years younger! i didn't realize that until lots of his friends, my sister's friends and even my friends told us that he doesn't looked like a 70 year old man, (yang mana dia selalu senyum2 gr gitu klo ada yg blg gt ke dia, males deh ah papa!) but, i admit it, maybe because he loves exercise i think. liat aja fotonya, sok2 gaya james dean gt, berasa muda. hehe
(coba gayanya bandingin sm foto diatas) hahahaha (i swear, i'm laughing rite now!)
this lovely man also loves movies, he told me that when he was young, he went to the movie at least twice a week. with his old bicycle, he went to the movie from ITB, where he studied. then when he studied abroad, he used to sneak out from his dorm to take his japanese ex girlfriend to the movie! yep, people acted just same when they were young!
he also loves traveling, and we both are dying to go to Greece!
no wonder sometimes we have some little fights and argue about things dad. because maybe u see me as yourself! Ha!
your 'always be' little girl
if i heard this word, the first thing that pops on my mind is 'poor'.
the others are: children, street, innocent babies, old people, disabled people, and lazy people.
at EVERY traffic light in jakarta, bandung, etc, we can easily find them.
i used to be sad to see them on the street, esp for the old ones and the babies that they brought to get more rupiahs. my parents always give them some money, so i thought it's the right thing to do. lately, i've been thinking and questioning myself.
'is it a right thing to do?'
gave them the money. then what? tomorrow they'll be there, knocking someone's car with their tired faces and hoping to get (at least) 1000 rupiah from each car.
i have some stories here, the first one happened in about several months ago. when i was at riau street in Bdg, there's some toddlers(approximately 3/4years)! begging and singing on the street at night! and the worst part, it was raining. i was furious and sad! and you know what? there was a policeman not really far from those kids that 'playing happily' on the street.
they are at the same age with my lovely nephews & my nieces! who spent their nights sleeping on a bed with their warm blankets after having a glass of milk, wearing their pajamas, and hugging their Barney or Dora. i couldn't imagine if those kids were my lovely nephews and nieces, how sad i was! :'(
i used to give them some money. but recently.. i don't think it's the right thing to do. it just like helping the person who sent those innocent kids to the street getting more money. big NO.
the another story that i have maybe sounds ridiculous!
when i was driving on the way back home from my campus UI, i saw some people changed their clothes behind the bushes. i was watching them carefully. then i realized, they changed their 'normal' clothes to the filthy ones. ohh..so they have that kind of uniforms to do their business? trust me, they were young and healthy! shame on you!
some people say 'save the best part for the last'
hmm, here! i'll give this one for the best part of my stories!
like i've mentioned before, beggar=poor ,right?
well, well, well... that kind of stereotypes no longer completely true my friends. what? are u frowing right now? i'll let u do it until i finish the story.
again, when i was driving, alone, at lebak bulus-pondok indah intersection, something really shocked me. there is a flyover right? and i bet u always see some beggars there. when i was mumbling listened to my playlist, my eyes were like bugged out & my jaw was like widely opened :O
my mind was busy to answer my own questions and deceived by what i had seen.
there was a beggar, a middle age woman (looked healthy, hmm fat exactly for a standard of a beggar) talking on a cell! then she gave the cell to one of her 'employees', then she talked again. wow, like a serious business deal. after that, they walked to the street, and knocking some cars for money. hey, i know cells are cheap in this gadget era, but do they beg to buy food or credits for their cells? oh my..oh my..
now, i've learned something according to what i've seen with my widely opened jaw.
at least, the old man who sells 'kerupuk' at dago street still wanna do something instead of manipulating people with hopeless looked and filthy clothes.
he's the one who deserve for some our rupiahs, i think.
don't you think?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
after a long weekend that i had with iki, now i'm back to my daily activity :(
i've been bombarded by boredom in these past few days. Since i moved to bdg approximately 8months ago (in finding a new atmosphere, as one of my reasons), now i'm kind'a stuck.
really need a refreshing. i'm dying for a vacay!
well, talking about my long weekend, i just stayed in bdg. iki was visiting :)
we went for movie, coffee, dinner, hmm...
we saw slumdog millionaire (walaupun agak telat yaa, krn d bdg filmnya telat bgt!)
anyway, no wonder slumdog millionaire got 4 golden globe awards.
the hilarious part was when jamal met amitabachan( don't really know how to spell his name), if u'have watched the movie, u'll know what i'm talking about here.
even the 'joget-joget' part still existed at the end of the movie, hehe,still.. it's a great movie.
ok then, gotta face my routine (sigh..)
what a rainy day. ciao!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
to be frank, sometimes i'm the one who made this world to be that crowded. sometimes i cursed when i was driving :p ,esp for those public transportation drivers! (bus, angkot, bajaj, u name it!) trust me, if u never cursed to those drivers, maybe u'll be the next legendary Ghandi or mother Theresa. here's another case that i have, when there's a person who cuts the line (oh! i hate this kind of people!). once there was a middle age man with his suit and tie, i was standing on the line to wash my hands, suddenly he came and cut my line! i was furious! i stood really close to him, saw him angrily. i was watching him in details. then he realized i was mad. he said "sorry" then he left! don't u embarrassed sir? with the suit and the tie that u wore? dont u learn about ethics and manners?
well, tips of the day, don't judge a person by his suit and his tie, that's 100% true!
those are the examples of some low levels of what i'm talking about here, when we talk about stabbing, talking someone behind their back, manipulating, or else, those kind'a some serious levels for me.
in a friendship, i really appreciate sincerity.
well, as a person, i'm not a fan of small talks. if i wanna talk, i'm gonna talk. if i don't want to, i'm gonna be silent or just smile. i'm not really good at faking something. that's why sometimes people think i'm kind'a cold or something at first.
but if we talk in a bigger scale, such as politics, business, etc, open your eyes! welcome to the real world! people manipulate one to another, then people throw some cynical critics one to another, because they think they are more capable than the others. esp nowadays there's only small number of people that stand for their idealistic.
ohh..yes, we live in a circus people!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
If I’m thinking about something that can recharge my energy (which has been exploited by my daily activities), hmm…traveling is the answer.
When? With whom? And where?
When? My fav time for traveling is not at the peak season. Why? Because the price is much cheaper. From the hotel, plane ticket, etc. The other benefit is we don’t have to battle with million members of family who wanna book the hotels and tickets.
With whom? Friends, bf, family. But my fav companions are friends and bf, because me and my family don’t really have same interest. For example, when I traveled with my brothers, I really wanted to try some specialty food from its place, but my brothers preferred Mc.Donalds or burger king!
Every single day! yeap, I had Mc.D’s scrambled egg for my breakfast every morning! Yeap, when boys say they wanna eat, they mean EAT (u can find the food easily, eat easily, and get full easily, then their mission accomplished!). The only kind of food they could compromise was Italian. As long as I could bribe them with a big plate of pizza, they wouldn’t dare to complain! Another example is when I was soo busy take many tourism brochures, like museums, theme park, or some other interesting tourism spots, one of them just said..”yaelah..theme park mah dmana2 sama aja, kya dufan! Males ah” then my face was like, hah?????? Knp ga skalian aja blg kya taman mini atau MONAS??
Then u know what? I was ended up at a CD store. Poor me…
Where? Hmmm..this is the most interesting part to talk about! Well, I have many, many, many dream destinations for holiday. I just wanna tell you some of them and promise me don’t tell anyone, hihi. Besides Bali or Lombok, actually we have other thousands beautiful beaches. One of them is in Papua. I’ve read about this place, it’s Raja Ampat, it has 4 beautiful main islands. Many beautiful corals and the beach? It’s really gorgeous. How about Bangkabelitung? I’ve browsed that place, and wow! It’s like a private island! Well, if we talk about tourism spots in Indonesia, I remember when I bought a book named “the naked traveler” written by an Indonesian author. I love that book! It’s funny, real and sadly.. I’ve just known that many foreigners have bought our beautiful islands based on what I’ve read! I had an experience which made me quite furious! When I had dinner at Jimbaran, there were many local tourists than foreigners. Then the owner said to one of the waiters “kok, lg banyakan orang lokal ya dr pada bule’nya” (trust me, the tone was like disappointed or something!) rasanya g pgn jawab “trus knp?? Lo jg lokal kaleeee!!! Belagu! (sambil tolak pinggang, hehe, biar galak sedikit maksudnya) Sadly I didn’t say it, just saw him angrily. Urrgghh!
Enough with the bad stories, besides beautiful beaches in Indo, i really, really, really wanna go to Maldives! The place is like paradise. It’s my dream place for a honeymoon or something when I get married one day, hehe. It’s flawless! Other destinations are Greece, India, Tokyo, Venice, NY, and many more! Greece, ohh..the ancient buildings are wonderful! With many small cafes along the streets. India…oh! I am curious about this place since I saw “the Darjeeling Limited”! Tokyo, with its modernism. Venice, with………. I don’t have to describe this one, everybody wanna go there! NY? You tell me!
Actually holiday isn’t always about some places that really far, expensive or else. We can still create our own nice, near, cheap holiday. Like, Bdg used to be my fav destination when I was bored with JKT. Only takes 2hours, many yummy food, cheap shopping spots. Well, even a friend of mine said “yahh k bdg si bukan liburan! Jajan batagor doang namanya!” haha, funny but quite nyebelin juga. But still, bdg was my fav! But now I live in bdg, so..i’ve to find another nice, near, cheap holiday. Still cant find one.
Well, hopefully the global crisis won’t be long (yeah rite!). So we can go to our dream destinations soon! Because the last thing we we’ll talk about, check your pocket honey! Can we buy the ticket soon or we have to bite our finger and stare the holiday brochures sadly until next week, next month or next year? Well, keep dreaming about magnificent places we want to visit one day. Everyone has their own fortune cookie Darla!
when we went to the coffee place, u asked for the espresso and i asked for the latte. two different kinds, two different choices. I took the cuisine&travel magazine, u took the newspaper. I read about kinds of wine, temples in Cambodia, latest ice cream place that offered the best gelato (which i recommended to visit it later), while u read the business articles and the global issue. when u were sipping your espresso, and i was enjoying my latte..we started to share our differences. I was telling u how exotic the temples are, based on the magazine said. U were smiling when i said "the gelato is soo tempting! we should try it..". Then u started to discuss the global issue that u had just read, and my lips started to say several questions "why? how? when?". Suddenly those two differences became blur. There, started from two different kinds of coffee became a nice rythm called conversation. we shared, we listened to each other, we enjoyed it. Don’t expect u can find ur cloning in this world. Even twins are different! Don’t expect espresso can be latte, latte can be espresso from your partner. Because if u just wanna see a same thing, u don’t need a partner, what u need is a mirror. Something that gives u a reflection of your self, without any differences.
written in December, 2006.
my tiny feet and my turquoise flat shoes
moved to the left and to the right
followed the melody
you hold my tiny fingers
sometimes you hugged me warmly
like a kitty..
like a puppy..
my white skirt just like a kite
21 as same as 1, 2, 3
for him, i’m still his little kitty
oh..daddy..please dont stop..
i love dancing on your feet