Tuesday, February 16, 2010




we are only humans.

and perfection means boring.

but some people just can't accept that.

and instead of facing it, they run.


As a human being who live among society, we are controlled by some rules.
what kind of society? civilized? uncivilized?
those are just some labels.
similar with single, married, divorcee, straight, gay, whatever.
talking about some rules or boundaries, TABOO becomes such a familiar word.
rules come from every aspect of life. it's like a line which is made to 'make our life become easier'.
some are true, some are not.
'line of boundaries', from the thin one to the thick one. from the serious one to the silly one. from the written one to the unwritten one. bla..bla..blah..
regulation does matter for some of things. what a country will be without some regulations in it?
even we have 'some' of 'em, still this world has its own word to describe us as 'human'. CHAOS.
rules, boundaries, line, those things have created such a word, 'TABOO'
where do rules come from? religion, society, even our parents make them.
sometimes as one of God's creatures who live among society, really drives me nuts.
even i'm living in the civilized one, but sometimes this circle of people just don't act, talk, or even think in a civilized way.
once again, sadly those are just some labels.
too many hypocrites, who's talking about religion as a reason to cover up their 'uncivilized mentality'. meanwhile talking about such of 'sensitive things' will get a moral judgement.
well, talking about 'taboo', living in a country that has such a 'politeness' thing as a culture, it's just disturbing sometimes.
once i was sitting in a class, the lecturer was talking about sex (in an educational needs which is related to the subject), then the students started murmuring like having a joke or something.
oh come on! we are in a university. not a kindergarten!
and the ironic thing is, when i was sitting in a class (in a different university) the lecturer talking about something in 'a sexual way' to one of the students (trust me, the lecturer used the filthiest words). see the difference? and sadly, the students took it as a joke!
ahh just give me the bullets and i'll shoot myself.
so which one is appropriate and which one is not? why these 20-25 years old well educated human being took it as a joke for such two DIFFERENT things? i just don't get it.

so can you elaborate what taboo is?

Repetition of Insanity

It’s 03.00am, I try to close my eyes again, try it harder and harder.
My mind just can’t compromise. I’m lying on my bed, with the most dreadful feeling I’ve ever had.
The fights, the laughs, the madness bombard me like a slideshow that really unstoppable.
The storm has passed, but the wound is staying.

Friday, February 12, 2010


after spiraling in a black chapter.
all i have to do is stand up for my pride.
because in all these past few years, i didn't have any.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

does anyone care?

does anyone care about my feeling?
family, bestfriend, anyone??
being nice with someone who already hurt me repeatedly. no need!
does anyone care?
at least now i know some who really care.

Monday, February 8, 2010

messy goodbye

i thought it means something. the truth is, it's just a piece of nothing.
i thought it can fix something. the truth is, it's just a piece of hope.
i thought it's not just a piece of canvas with some meaningless colors on it. the truth is, it is.