Thursday, August 5, 2010

shall we start?

let's put the anger behind.
let's see each other clearly.
what made you and me to be 'us'.

he said 'nothing'

years ago, when i was one of the students in universitas indonesia, my lecturer gave me an assignment.
the task was: find one person in the vicinity, do some kind of interview and then do a presentation 'what so special about this person'.
when i was in UI, i always spent my time w/ my friends in a canteen, we used to call it 'kancut', it stands for kantin kerucut.
many people make some money there, by selling some food,drinks,etc.
days before i got the assignment, as usual..i was wandering in kancut, finding something to eat, i ended up eating 'roti bakar'.
i forgot how much the price was, but i remember one thing.
i told the old man who sells the roti bakar to keep the change, but he refused it.
then i insisted, 'ngga usah pak, kan cuma kembali 1000, ambil aja'
he said 'ngga mba, ini kembaliannya mba, uangnya mba'
then i said thank u.
the day when i got the assignment, i came to that old man and asked him to help me w/ the interview thing. he said ok.
i have a paper w/ some list of questions on my hand. i started w/ some general questions, what's ur name..where do you many children do u have, bla bla bla.
then i put this silly question at the end of my list.
i asked him "pak, misalnya bapak bisa minta 3 permintaan dan pasti dikabulkan, bapak mau minta apa?" then i was ready to write his answer on my paper.
he said "ngga ada".
hmm.. i thought maybe he didn't get what the question is about, so i repeat it.
"masa ngga ada, misalnya bapak bisa dikasih 3 hal yang bapak mau, bisa apa aja terserah"
and i was wrong, because he gave me the same answer "ngga ada"
i looked at him. silent for a while.
then i asked "bapak udah senang sama hidup bapak skrg?"
he answered "iya"
"bapak udah merasa cukup sama apa yg bapak punya?"
again, he said.. "iya"

when i was driving alone that day, something was bugging me.
i feel embarrassed to myself.

well, maybe i didn't get the answer for my last question, but i got something from that interview.

how to be grateful.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

room 203

it's almost 2 years. yep, been living in this little town for almost 2 years.
love the weather, the traffic, the food, etc.
i think i'm gonna back to jkt in august.
i'm gonna miss some little things i have in here.

happy birthday JAKARTA.




toi et moi

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

can i push the pause button?

been running to reach a piece of paper.
to be frank, this paper is just a piece of crap (pardon my french).
we are living in a circus people.

oh universe play fair please.


Friday, May 28, 2010

a tribute to sophia coppola

one of my favorite movies.

a tribute to MJ

my art work, tribute for the king of pop.
put the gloves on.


just my little art work.
i love pale colors and magnolia.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010




we are only humans.

and perfection means boring.

but some people just can't accept that.

and instead of facing it, they run.


As a human being who live among society, we are controlled by some rules.
what kind of society? civilized? uncivilized?
those are just some labels.
similar with single, married, divorcee, straight, gay, whatever.
talking about some rules or boundaries, TABOO becomes such a familiar word.
rules come from every aspect of life. it's like a line which is made to 'make our life become easier'.
some are true, some are not.
'line of boundaries', from the thin one to the thick one. from the serious one to the silly one. from the written one to the unwritten one. bla..bla..blah..
regulation does matter for some of things. what a country will be without some regulations in it?
even we have 'some' of 'em, still this world has its own word to describe us as 'human'. CHAOS.
rules, boundaries, line, those things have created such a word, 'TABOO'
where do rules come from? religion, society, even our parents make them.
sometimes as one of God's creatures who live among society, really drives me nuts.
even i'm living in the civilized one, but sometimes this circle of people just don't act, talk, or even think in a civilized way.
once again, sadly those are just some labels.
too many hypocrites, who's talking about religion as a reason to cover up their 'uncivilized mentality'. meanwhile talking about such of 'sensitive things' will get a moral judgement.
well, talking about 'taboo', living in a country that has such a 'politeness' thing as a culture, it's just disturbing sometimes.
once i was sitting in a class, the lecturer was talking about sex (in an educational needs which is related to the subject), then the students started murmuring like having a joke or something.
oh come on! we are in a university. not a kindergarten!
and the ironic thing is, when i was sitting in a class (in a different university) the lecturer talking about something in 'a sexual way' to one of the students (trust me, the lecturer used the filthiest words). see the difference? and sadly, the students took it as a joke!
ahh just give me the bullets and i'll shoot myself.
so which one is appropriate and which one is not? why these 20-25 years old well educated human being took it as a joke for such two DIFFERENT things? i just don't get it.

so can you elaborate what taboo is?

Repetition of Insanity

It’s 03.00am, I try to close my eyes again, try it harder and harder.
My mind just can’t compromise. I’m lying on my bed, with the most dreadful feeling I’ve ever had.
The fights, the laughs, the madness bombard me like a slideshow that really unstoppable.
The storm has passed, but the wound is staying.

Friday, February 12, 2010


after spiraling in a black chapter.
all i have to do is stand up for my pride.
because in all these past few years, i didn't have any.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

does anyone care?

does anyone care about my feeling?
family, bestfriend, anyone??
being nice with someone who already hurt me repeatedly. no need!
does anyone care?
at least now i know some who really care.

Monday, February 8, 2010

messy goodbye

i thought it means something. the truth is, it's just a piece of nothing.
i thought it can fix something. the truth is, it's just a piece of hope.
i thought it's not just a piece of canvas with some meaningless colors on it. the truth is, it is.

Friday, January 8, 2010

au revoir 2009!

2009 was such a year for me. esp december.
many things happened. bitter sweet.
i started to change the way i think. now it's not about what i want. it's about HOW i can really get what i want.
i'm done w/ the ups and downs. i'm really done.
my mind, my soul, just no longer have enough space for some sick drama.
when i was alone.
i asked my self, "what u really want?"
the answers were just too busy to show their existence on my mind.
they are so complicated.
when there's two people arguing about things, they are just two people w/ different perspectives.
shouting, cursing, negotiating, whatever it is.
but when u argue w/ urself. trust me, it's tiring.
because whatever the result is, u're the only one who's gonna take the responsibility.
well, to be frank, it's devastating.
nourishing my soul w/ some positive energy. that's what i'm doing right now.
because i believe, when a cup has too much things inside, we wont see things clearly.
well bienvenue 2010! hope u will embrace me w/ some peacefulness, surprises, and happiness.
what life means without suprises anyway? :)

may universe smile back at us in 2010!