more chloe!

unique and really something.
here's some more portraits of her.

happiness said "catch me if u can"

it's really hard to be reached lately..
i run, i walk, then i run again.
it keeps to be far away and faded.
i'm tired.
don't u know that?
now, i'm just sitting for a while.
to breathe.
yes, to breathe.
or sigh..maybe.
even the air is so dull.
ohh..i'm longing the smell of a dancing happily.
singing like a chirping bird in the morning.
feeling fresh like green grass at the park.
taste as sweet as apple.
maybe i'll just wait.
till u come to me one day.
don't just knock, please stay.
will u?

what's inside me these days.

anger.

fed up.

bored.

blank.

cried.

pray for the best mystery.

keep believing.

trust issue.

scared.

chloe.

meow.
i adore sevigny.

tired

i'm thinking of a word that would describe my roller coaster world right now.
'exhausting' would describe it perfectly.
as a human being, flawless is a bullshit word to describe us!
us,
with our 1,2 or maybe million flaws.
hey you, yes.. you.
i'm talking to you.
everyone who demands a perfection.
who cannot deal with any flaws, any scratch, or any complexions.
when u made a mistake, that person gonna say..
u are a failure!
one mistake ruins everything.
one mistake, and u become a failure.
and the worst part,
the person won't bother to deal with it!
yes you, i'm talking to you.
anyone who demands a perfection!

an old man that i love so much

lovely papa,
when i talked about this 71year old man, i felt like i'm talking in front of a mirror. but, in a different version, wiser but..sorry dad, oldeeerrr. hehe.
well..we both have many similarities. here, i'm typing for u about us, err..me..ohh..him i meant!
he's an Aquarian, stubborn, love to whistle when he listened to his fav songs, he adores Sinatra, he loves wandering in a book store, loves sipping a cup of tea or coffee in a coffeeshop, sensitive kind of person, silly sometimes (one of examples happened a month ago, when we wanna take my grandma to the mall, so we had to bring the wheel chair, there was a problem with the tire, no one wanted to try the wheel chair, suddenly he sat on that chair and said to his grandson, "hey wheeled me" then my 8year old nephew pushed the wheel chair happily like a race or something, u know what my papa said? "whiiii...faster! hey ki, when i'm old (u are dad!), and i wanna go to the mall, push me like u do right now" then rizki, my nephew said "aku dorong yang kenceng yah eyang, terus nanti aku lepas, biar aku ga cape" my dad laughed! so did i!
he loves jogging and golf (i already tried those two kinds of his fav sports, still.. he's better than me) i remember he took me to senayan for jogging, and after one lap, i stopped for 'sepiring lontong sayur' hehe, while he was running for 10 laps! he said "payah kamu, br lari satu puteran udah makan satu piring! lontong sayur lagi!" then i answered "biarin, papa boleh lari 10 puteran, tapi papa kan ngga bisa renang!" terus dia melengos dgn tampang males. hehe
he's also looked like 10years younger! i didn't realize that until lots of his friends, my sister's friends and even my friends told us that he doesn't looked like a 70 year old man, (yang mana dia selalu senyum2 gr gitu klo ada yg blg gt ke dia, males deh ah papa!) but, i admit it, maybe because he loves exercise i think. liat aja fotonya, sok2 gaya james dean gt, berasa muda. hehe
(coba gayanya bandingin sm foto diatas) hahahaha (i swear, i'm laughing rite now!)
this lovely man also loves movies, he told me that when he was young, he went to the movie at least twice a week. with his old bicycle, he went to the movie from ITB, where he studied. then when he studied abroad, he used to sneak out from his dorm to take his japanese ex girlfriend to the movie! yep, people acted just same when they were young!
he also loves traveling, and we both are dying to go to Greece!
no wonder sometimes we have some little fights and argue about things dad. because maybe u see me as yourself! Ha!

love,
your 'always be' little girl

a beggar with a cell

beggar.
if i heard this word, the first thing that pops on my mind is 'poor'.
the others are: children, street, innocent babies, old people, disabled people, and lazy people.
at EVERY traffic light in jakarta, bandung, etc, we can easily find them.
i used to be sad to see them on the street, esp for the old ones and the babies that they brought to get more rupiahs. my parents always give them some money, so i thought it's the right thing to do. lately, i've been thinking and questioning myself.
'is it a right thing to do?'
gave them the money. then what? tomorrow they'll be there, knocking someone's car with their tired faces and hoping to get (at least) 1000 rupiah from each car.
i have some stories here, the first one happened in about several months ago. when i was at riau street in Bdg, there's some toddlers(approximately 3/4years)! begging and singing on the street at night! and the worst part, it was raining. i was furious and sad! and you know what? there was a policeman not really far from those kids that 'playing happily' on the street.
they are at the same age with my lovely nephews & my nieces! who spent their nights sleeping on a bed with their warm blankets after having a glass of milk, wearing their pajamas, and hugging their Barney or Dora. i couldn't imagine if those kids were my lovely nephews and nieces, how sad i was! :'(
i used to give them some money. but recently.. i don't think it's the right thing to do. it just like helping the person who sent those innocent kids to the street getting more money. big NO.
the another story that i have maybe sounds ridiculous!
when i was driving on the way back home from my campus UI, i saw some people changed their clothes behind the bushes. i was watching them carefully. then i realized, they changed their 'normal' clothes to the filthy ones. ohh..so they have that kind of uniforms to do their business? trust me, they were young and healthy! shame on you!
some people say 'save the best part for the last'
hmm, here! i'll give this one for the best part of my stories!
like i've mentioned before, beggar=poor ,right?
well, well, well... that kind of stereotypes no longer completely true my friends. what? are u frowing right now? i'll let u do it until i finish the story.
again, when i was driving, alone, at lebak bulus-pondok indah intersection, something really shocked me. there is a flyover right? and i bet u always see some beggars there. when i was mumbling listened to my playlist, my eyes were like bugged out & my jaw was like widely opened :O
my mind was busy to answer my own questions and deceived by what i had seen.
there was a beggar, a middle age woman (looked healthy, hmm fat exactly for a standard of a beggar) talking on a cell! then she gave the cell to one of her 'employees', then she talked again. wow, like a serious business deal. after that, they walked to the street, and knocking some cars for money. hey, i know cells are cheap in this gadget era, but do they beg to buy food or credits for their cells? oh my..oh my..
now, i've learned something according to what i've seen with my widely opened jaw.
at least, the old man who sells 'kerupuk' at dago street still wanna do something instead of manipulating people with hopeless looked and filthy clothes.
he's the one who deserve for some our rupiahs, i think.
don't you think?

Back to routine

after a long weekend that i had with iki, now i'm back to my daily activity :(
i've been bombarded by boredom in these past few days. Since i moved to bdg approximately 8months ago (in finding a new atmosphere, as one of my reasons), now i'm kind'a stuck.
really need a refreshing. i'm dying for a vacay!
well, talking about my long weekend, i just stayed in bdg. iki was visiting :)
we went for movie, coffee, dinner, hmm...
we saw slumdog millionaire (walaupun agak telat yaa, krn d bdg filmnya telat bgt!)
anyway, no wonder slumdog millionaire got 4 golden globe awards.
the hilarious part was when jamal met amitabachan( don't really know how to spell his name), if u'have watched the movie, u'll know what i'm talking about here.
even the 'joget-joget' part still existed at the end of the movie, hehe,still.. it's a great movie.
ok then, gotta face my routine (sigh..)
what a rainy day. ciao!